Divine Masculine

 Divine Feminine,

If you won't be my Queen I'll find another one. 

You aren't who I thought you was any way I needed a push over and you are too confident in your place in my life in your place in the world; just confident period. 

I've changed and you have as well. I am trying to be better, but if you aren't better we are just going to stay in the toxic cycle we both hate. I won't do that with you or to myself again. I need you to embrace life and open your eyes to the signs. 

I am not the enemy I promise. I am in the same battle as you walking away from friends and family who don't mean us any good. If they don't have our best intentions at heart then they don't get to influence me anymore. I'm struggling to be strong. It's not easy to do this. I don't know if I'm even doing this right. I sometimes forget if I am doing this for you or me I just know this battle has to be won. I'm trying to focus on just my part because you said you don't want this, but it's because of my past behavior right? You still love me don't you??? 

I don't want to be that guy. I want to be the person you love and trust. My words won't mean anything just let me prove it to you. I'm scared you will turn me away so I still have a backup and I don't want to let that path go, but they give me a different type of lift. 

I know excuses, excuses and I'm honestly not trying to make any. I just want to be honest with you. I have options, but I want you. I'm scared to be alone. I'm scared to be just be good. I had to be proud of my misdeeds to not wear the shame everyone wanted to cage me in. 

You aren't scared to be different, to shine. I just want to add to your shine or support your shine. Just don't leave me out. You pray right? So pray about me, for me.. just don't curse me.

I know your powerful. I just don't know if I could handle you turning your power against me.