You gotta reap what you sewed

 Are you in denial? Are you realizing that disliking someone over lies has only caused you to feel  or face rejection. That path you are doggedly sticking to will not put you on a good vibe that soothes your soul path. 

You might be sad and in your thoughts. Your thinking hard even thinking about the past and how you wish your parents would stay together. You are experiencing BIG lessons. Lessons that are causing you depression because you won't stop playing games. You can't even enjoy music because its telling on you. Every songs lyrics seem to describe your behavior, past actions or relationships. 

What you think is being done in the dark or in your heart will be  told to those who are spiritually connected. You maybe angry because you can't manifest, but thats cuz your hearts not in the right place. 

If you don't want the lesson's spirit is handing out then you need to stop the behavior that is bringing out the lessons. 

Stop calling out to the Divine to stop your lessons instead of asking to have the strength to go thru the lessons. Ask for the ability to understand and apply the lessons.

As long as you are placing the blame on someone else you will neva be abundant. Every step will be hard. If you depressed I'm not surprised you have been wising ill will on others and its time to reap your poison field.