Dear You

 Dear You,

I'm mad because you won't talk to me. 

I'm mad I can't get you to understand I do Love you 

no matter what I've always understood the truth you couldn't say. 

I understood every time you ran,

 but it always hurt

 and made me mad. 

You not being a parent to our kids.

 You was keeping secrets from me 

and any truth told was given grudgingly. 

I did my best to never lie unless I thought I was protecting you. 

Often enough I realize I was protecting myself from the anger I believed you would cast my way for not being perfect. 

I'm mad because I need you 

and don't want to need you.

 I just want to love you.

 I'm mad because I have this need to protect myself from you because I keep letting you in to hurt me deeply. 

I'm mad because I thought I deserved for you to treat me badly because I kept messing with you and hurting so many people.

 I only cared a little because I felt you was mine 

and they were hurting you,

 belittling you,

 taking your love 

and throwing it back in your face. 

I'm mad because it was supposed to be me and you against the world, 

but you helped the world push me down

 and that constant betrayal hurt so much.

 I have pushed down so many instances of anger,

 but it boils down to I didn't let the hurt go once the anger was gone.

 I couldn't accept that you hurt me 

and that I let you.

 I'm mad because instead of getting help to deal with my abandonment issues

 and how triggered I am thinking about you for real.

I want to blame you but, 

I let you back in I accepted what I thought I was supposed to accept. 

Love forgives, 

love fights till the end, 

true love wins. 

All cliches, 

but they kept me warm when I felt alone and cold.

 You want closure well the door is closed. 

You want forgiveness ask God 

and go ahead and move on it won't be the first time and if it's the last time that's ok too.