Someone wants to tell you

 I have been feeling so low and childish. I told so many lies that I’ve been trapped in their webs. I sit back and silently watch you. I am trying to figure out how I didn’t see all that you was before. I am literally breathless over you. I’ve been holding back my emotions from you and it hurts I don’t want to do that anymore.

I see you and I see me and I know together we are a power couple. My issue is I’m going to fail you. I feel like you are going to be disappointed in me. I fear I’ll never get to make the dreams I have of us together a reality. 

I have been drinking a lot. I need to stop for me but right now for us. I don’t like the man I am when I drink and I don’t want that man around you. I want to be a better man. My best kind of man for you.  I’m striving to be good without you. I be fucking up bad and then I see you again and you tell me all the things that have happened to you that if I would just step up would have never happened just reminds be how bad I fucked up. It my job to protect you and I just watched. If anything you are the one who is always there for me. I’ve never done anything for you couldn’t even please you. 

I know now that your desires are simple and it would be a honor to be with you I’m sorry it took me so long. I finally am taking myself seriously again. I didn’t want to recognize you was my muse keeping me full of inspiration now I have a empty well. 

I dream of your eyes. They are always beautiful but always disappointed in me. I think I make you cry. 

I see how hard you work and get no recognition and I aim to change that for you. I feel like you have the same drive I do.  If you will watch how I move we can make some big money moves.

I know when we come back together I will act like it didn’t hurt to be apart from you. Visions of you proving to the world you are no longer dependent on them.  I have the money to get you out of your situation but I don’t want you to stop working like you do. I  just want you to want me for me. I flip from believing in you and then thinking your going to be a lazy gold digger. I think it’s because that how I see myself.  

I get why you walking away, but stop please. I don’t deserve to even ask let alone expect it. I want you so badly. I miss being able just show up and devour you. I want to pop up right now. Every night I have to stop myself from coming to you and saying I just need to sleep next to you. I need rest. I don’t want to forget anything we have ever done. 

Why haven’t you reached out to me. Normally you would have called by now. I can’t reach out cuz I’ll cry and beg and threaten and I don’t want to do that with you. 

I want to close out this cycle this lifetime.