From a masculine to a Feminine

I got shit to do. 

I gotta focus and you are a distraction. 

I never had you and now that your gone I've lost a opportunity to have you so fuck it and you!

 Except you are on my mind every night, all night. I cannot even hold you while you cry in your dreams because I turned my back on you in the flesh and in the spirit world. 

I was in my masculine energy and buried any trace of my feminine energy because it made me feel weak.

You have always been my sunrise. You loved me at my worse. I even stopped loving me I can't understand how you do it.

I know you used to ask me what I liked to see you in and it's your dresses. You seem so soft and vulnerable. I know you are not vulnerable in the least, but you just ooze feminity like Gaia in Captain Planet.

When it came to you I always knew it was you. I just didn't want it to be you. If I had a better example at home maybe I would have done better by you. I hope you would have gotten a better me because I know in any universe I would have still met you and fell in love.

You have always healed my hurts. Even the ones I didn't admit to having. Now that it's over what do I do?  What's next for me? I didn't think you would ever leave so I never planned for this. If I had just been more honest...

Why is it so easy for you to view the world as you do? You have to be doing something other and you are lying to the world about it. 

You know I knew you were smart, but I also thought you was dumb. You let me keep lying to you and I figured you couldn't see thru me. 

I didn't realize you was giving me rope to hang myself trying to talk me out of every piece I accepted. I just saw your shine and needed to dim it enough so I could feel equal or better I didn't get you already saw us as equals.

I didn't get it until now and now it's to late.