it's time for new way of seeing and doing things

You have been struggling with stability and feeling secure where you are at this moment in life. You may have felt you had to lie about your connections in order to have any sense of permanence in life.

 The need to be flexible has been a constant and it has caused you to be the runner in relationships. You haven't felt safe enough in your connections to truly be intimate and let ego go.

 The issue with that is it keeps you in a self absorbed type relationships because you can't care for others if your well being is first and foremost in your every move. 

You intentionally pushed away people or only let them close enough to benefit from the connection but to not grow. The time for that is over. You need to let people in. It's time to make some smarter connections those that are reciprocal rather than one sided. This will benefit you and those who connect with the new you. 

Don't be scared to shed the old way of observing the world and try on a new perspective I bet you will feel like a whole new you.