I try to say good bye and i choke

Seasons change and so do connections. I want to change our connection before the next season. I wnat to go to the next stage in our lives together. I know we can heal together. Together we can overcome more obstacles vs the life we are living independantly. I feel we need to connect in a forever type of way. I see your options and I know you have choices to make. I dont want to be strung along while you figure out if you welcome me back into your life. Right now life sucks and I know it would be better if you was with me, but our seperation is necessary I need to heal. I cannot come back to you and continue to hurt you. I hate hurting you but i just keep doing it which means i need to deal with some issues. I know if i came to you that you would gladly assist because thats just how you are, but I really want to do this on my own. I need to show you I am able to handle my issues like a adult. When i come back I dont wnat to leave again. I want to heal enought I dont want to run from you. I want to stay and be immersed in your peaceful energy, but my demons just wont let me. I know that someone is going to come and swoop you up if I dont get my ish together. When i come back I want to kiss you. Every kiss is so passionate with you and only you and it is so healing. You are the walkinng embodiement of love. I know we are at the cusp of change and I refuse to accept it becuase that means I will never have you back in my life. Just wait a little bit longer I swear I am coming your way. Until we reconnect everything is going to feel dark and dreary and i feel weepy too. I want to come home please!!!