I'm freaking Miserable

I lied. I'm sorry. How do you keep loving me? I tried to use dark magic on you. I will get therapy for us. I can help you make money. I can help build your legacy. My family keeps making fun me when it comes to love. I did't know I needed to grow up not for me not for you not for anyone.

 I thought being a kid at heart meant being childlike ya know? No responsiblities or serious connections because that was for settling down and I wasnt ready for that. I am trying to be perfect for you although i know you dont need me to be.

 I'm not going to lie I have been suicidal due to my overwhelming karma. I keep asking God how to make this stop but He is silent. I guess I have to do what I was supposed to do in the first plaace and dig deep to figure out why I am the way I am then figure out how to fix it. What if I cant what if I am meant to be a monster. You dont want a monster and noone else matters to me now but you so what do I do? 

 I promise you I truly am trying to be a better person, but it is just so easy to fall back into the habit of being that way I am. I have played that role so long its second nature. I am nothing but trouble for you the way I am. I always said you deserved to be with someone else cuz I wasn't good for you.

 I always saw your worth I just didnt know how to show you instead I seemed to do everything to show you the literal opposite. I can feel you pulling away and I can see that its justified. Do i like it no but I get how somoene canjust be tired of being tired.

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