I abused the you I had

I am sorry. I put to much attention towards making a profit and failed to put any effort towards you. I chose to go towards other things instead of chasing you. I neglected to see the fabulous person you was and instead chose to see the persona others projected on you. I chose to be in the streets in others sheets when i had you at home waiting to make me happy. I thought i was glorius . I didn't realize it was your shine reflecting off me. Once you left my life just was up and down it was like consistancy abandoned me. I left a stable person and introduced chaos into their life and judged when i had no room to judge. I started arguements to cover my behavior. I felt that making you feel small would boost me and keep me feeling like a god/ddess instead of like the unworthy bug you revealed me to be. I didn't want to face my darkness then you came in and lit every fake part up. I hadn't realized how much was fraudulant about the life I was leading. Being with you made me have to fight myself in order to feel superior. I hated that which mad me hate you. How dare you make me feel weak or less than when you was clearly beneath me? I had so much unjustified rage. I didnt understand how you was so blessed and i just kept getting shited on. I didnt understand that you was living the same life as me. I didn't see the similarities so every movement forward I saw it as you spitinf in my face. I couldnt be happy for you. I saw you being unworthy of the stardom that was falling at your feet. You just wouldnt not be good, and sweet and loving and i didn't know how to accept genuine people. You make things just happen. I sat back and watched you struggle and still tried to love me. I gave you no help to find peace in our union I was so arrogant and prideful. I felt you should be grateful for such a unhealed, egotistical, materialistic, sex-addicted pissant such as I. I have been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and how I present myself to the world. I was so busy working on my appeance to those i deemed worthy of juding me, but you had no right to judge me i felt even though i dont think you was until i got petty trying to make you jealous becuae my ego nedded you to fight for me. You knew that if I fought for you I was worthy but you not fighting made me feel insecure and i had to prove to you i coud have anyone withno effort. I didnt see how that made me or that person look all i cared about was hurting you. The fact you allowed me to get such a big head goes to show a wise peron gives a person enough rope to hang themselves two times over.