I miss you

I stopped watching you though its so very hard. I really need to know what your doing, who you are giving your energy to all of it. I miss your text updates so I could imagine you throughout the day. I miss you. I am willing to drink my self to obliviion so i can see your face in my dreams. You make me feel so strong and confident in my actions and thoughts. I admit for the most part I move thru life terrified. I have pretended for so long to be strong and wise and now everyone is going to know I stole my swag. I pretended to be you so that others would love me as they love you. You make my heart smile and that is why I want to be like you. You are a divine femenine/maasculine and i am karmic. I really thought I would get it right this time but I just made it even worse. I acted in Dark Fae energy and came acrss as a alien. I also fucked around and found out when I got a STD. I didn't think they was the promiscuious one I thought it was you. I hate that i have health issues when i really was trying to be faithful for once. I let others encourage me to stay faithful to my abuser like so many people have done to those I've abused. You take my air and i never once told you. I watched both of our families turn on you and you still are shining. You brighten my life and all those you touch but like those with Lupus they can't stand to be in your light. I am ready to follow you anywhere.I know things will go easier with if I have you along. I need you to change your perspective on how you see life and me. If you do the darkness over my heart would dissapate. I see no red flags with you. I could be with you tonight and everynight forever. I am going to go get checked befor e coming your way because i have been out here and I dont trust all my partners. I am letting that lifestyle go anyway. You aare all I need. I just want to give you all you need and more.