I owe you a apology

How many drinks will it take for you to sit still and let me talk to you? I have to tell you how I feel. I keep trying to talk to you thru music, but your not talking back. You are my Angel on this barren Earth. I just need a chance to show you I have changed. You won't be a secret this time. I should have never treated some of the people I wined and dinde so well they didn't deserve a quarter of the attention and affection I gave them. I surrounded myself with fake people and reaped all kinds of karma. I thought i was moving the right way. I didn't see that when my life was going well was cuz you was in my life. I thought things would be bad but once you was gone it would get 10 times worse. You was shielding me from so much karma just taking the hits and pressing forward. You accepted life unfiltered so I could wear rose ccolored glasses never turning my eye to the devastation I was leaving behind. You was the only one to call me out over and over about how I was affecting everyone not just you. I had people connected to me who knew how good you was for me so they set out to sabotage our closenss repeatedly. Even attacking your body to get me to turn a blind eye to you. I didn't realize I was showing you i had chose up on you. I thought i was on everyones side, but I guess I needed to be more vocal in my defense of you. How sad of me to be so blind to your needs. I have to prove to you as well as myself that I'm not your enemy because i'm not then what the hell have I been doing. I need to start treating you with kid gloves. You should never have anxiety. I just want a chance to make it up to you. I will show you how thirsty i am for you. I will heal past lives marrying you and creating a healed future.