i'm taking my time

No matter how good my facade you manage to see past it to the mischeious me or the sad me. I hate that you get past my armour. How do I get you into as equal a vulnerable postion. Due to your spiritual gifts I can't make any plans to make a move towards you. I have no support on how to reconnect but it is my biggest heart desire. I have been bracing myself for the blowback from spirit. I have to be honest I dont trust you yet. I am ready accept my gifts as well. You have inspired me to embrace then rather than run from them. I need a little time to get my shit together, but by Spring I feel like I will be ready for a healthy version of our connection. I will be honest i am not sleeping well I just want to rush in and go on adventures with you but its not the time. You have noo idea how funny you are to me and you know what they say " the one who makes you laugh will do anything to see you smile" and i want that to be us for eachother. Did I ever tell you that you give me confidence? I stand taller and my swag is unmatched all because I know YOU love me. The world could fall around my ears and it wouldnt amtter because YOU love me. You finding out how I feel is my very last secret. When i pray I ask God what you would do. My love, my darling, my heart whatever I call you won't matter your still home. I have fucked up in the past but no more. No longer. I see how we are a match and I want to see what we can accomplish. I admit I am fearful that I will drop the ball and hurt you. You are about to be so much bigger than you are now because of all the hard work you have put in. Remeber to take care of yourself though my love. Those who wish you ill will send attacks to your body so you cant perform to your best ability.