Healing

I hate when you raise your voice at me. I can't hear your words its just a rush of sounds my ears. On top of you being a ladies man I just didn't listen to myself and ended up somewhere that had me thinking I deserved this treatment. I felt I deserved to be left out. I thought I deserved to be depressed. I didn't realize my own self love would rescue me. I thought I loved me in the past, but I didn't I tolerated myself on occasion. I really hated myself. I felt I needed to put more work into myself becuase of what others told me. I didn't see the projections they was sending my way I took it all as heartfelt truths. I lived in the blackest of holes and gave anyone I precieved as being affected by me a wide berth to stay safe. I didn't realize people thought I was surpassing them I was just trying to survive. I spent so much time trying to avoid rejection I didn't force anyone to take accountablity for how they treated me. There was noone to turn to. I had to protect myself from myself and in turn protect myself from others. At the time I didnt know what the actions meant. I was taught to turn the other cheek. I had to fight myself to stop just forgiving. Everything isn't forgiveable. I had to learn to use my intution and trust it. No longer will I repress myself. I am not just a phone call away anymore. I see those who don't want to see me flourish. I see those who wanted me to break. Now they get to see me grow and thrive. I know i will always be on their minds. They will see me finally enjoy life and will be sick about it. I know the me I hid from the world and now I'm ready to broadcast her. I won't allow others to destory my boundaries anymore. I am a winner and no longer willaccept others telling me i am a loser. No more searching for connections to fill the empty space left by those who with held love. Those years are over. Those years of feeling not enough is over. I am going to live my shea butter baby life and noone is going to stop me.