I have been under the influence at work. I can't focus because I keep going over what is missing in this connection. You was supposed to be my foundation instead you just became a wall I had to tear down.I am so very tired of crying over you. You was so insecure and hate filled. You really couldn't just be proud that I wasn't insecure like you.
I lived out loud no secrets. You loved that about me until it stopped you from controlling me then you began to hate me. I stripped away my insecurities to be with you and you made me feel unloveable and disgusting because how bad must I be for you to do me like this.
I know you say you want to stop my tears I just don't trust it. You so caught up on me thinking your broke when im more concerned about your mind and heart. You think sex is always going to solve it and quite frankly the more I come the more I resent you. I just want whats fair to be fair.
I want to walk away because this is hurting me. Your losss will be someones blessing. I kept my heart open becuase I knew at the end of the day you loved me your actions just didn't line up. I should have trusted my intution when it came to you but I just kept telling myself I was biased. I ignored your toxic habits because I tought that is what love is. I studied and my methods seemed sound.I figured real love fights with all they have to stay in a connection. I had to learn that love lets go.
I know we will always be connected no matter what so right now I am gigving you a wide berth. Its like a void I don't want to fall into. I swear you was good for me. I thought if I just got healthier you would see me. I knew we was meant to be, but with both our root chakras blocked we werent going to ever have anything but negativity, cynicisim, greed and insecurity.
I never thought I would walk away from this connection but things aren't changing My soul is awake to who we are to each other and i can't take this pain. I am shedding the parts of me that begged for your affection and attention if you want me to have it you will give it to me. I admit i feel lost without you. All these years my soul hasn't felt whole except when you are around. I'm finally used to living like this. The butterflies still come but I'm going to drown em.
I have learned my lessons and i am ready to graduate from stagnacy. I am pulling back my energy. Just going to sit back and just watch. I will have family with or without you I just always imagined it would only be better with you home but home is where the heart is and you tell me you have no heart and so that mmeans you have no me becuase i thought i was your home.
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