willow the observer

You are in the role of a lifetime living the life of a passionate,flashy and such a fucking lady/gentleman. The problem YOU feel like a fraud. You feel like the facade you have been wearing for so long is slipping off so fast you can't cath it. Your pockets may feel real light and tight right now, your charisma and ambition are not going to get you out this particular situation. Especially when it comes to finances you have been playing fast and loose with credit cards and getting loans and now your credit is shot and all the things you should have been going without to build up for the future is all things that mean nothing to you now especially since you can't be the good person you protray to the world. Its all empty. You can't be with those who have no passion in anything but themselves. Those who don't know what postion they want to play in their connections are disgusting to you now. You are about matching energies for the betterment of both of you, but its so hard becuase for so long that was not how you saw the world nor how you moved in the world. Now you have to rebuild your self and in order to do that you have to admit to yourself as well others you haven't been this way the whole time. That you was everything, but kind and loving is hard to admit to ones self let alone others. You are being brave preparing to bare your soul to the world. You are willing to make amends with those you have betrayed. You hope they will give you grace and forgivenss, but you have proven to be unforgiveable to some and you have to accept that not all bridges can or will be mended. Unfourunately you have some consequences to suffer. Its not all dark shadows and doom and gloom. As you learn the lessons finally you can start bringing forth the new you.