Cancer

You feel that you are losing something like if you lose a connection you cannot let yourself give up. YOu have plenty of time to figure out life stop measuring your life according to other people. You keep trying to walk down other peoples paths and finding yourself lost and unprepared and that is beacuse those paths werent mean for you to be on. Its time to stop drinking and hiding from the world. Your behavior cannot be blamed on the liquor you are to grown for that excuse to get you far. This behavior has been continuous and malicious. The time for you to have learned your lessonisover. You knew what you needed to change and your refusal is why things are going to go down as it does. If you are unfufilled ge a hobby not lie and attack others. That is some major weirdo behavior. To be sticking to your guns to attack someone, but not to being a better person is not rational but do you boo. Just remeber no amount of stones or prayers is going to solve the problem. You ae just going to have to deal with the consequences of your acions. You are not the leader. You was never meant to be the leasder. Does that mean you are worthless?? No, what it means is you have talents in other areas. You have been focused on leadership and kept failing in that arena and so you never exercised your skills in say dipolomacy or espinoage regardless you have talents they just dont lay in a area you give honor or attention to something you are good at that you give no value to. You cant get away from who you used to be. You have to acknowledge and then walk into the future with that knowledge and not feeling shame. Remembering your youth does not determine your forever and making moves according to who you are now is more then ok. You need to work on your fedility. Honesty is the best policy yes but you shouldn't have to keep confessing. Stop doing stuff you have to apologize for the payback is never worth it for you or whomever you find your self saying sorry to. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone but yourself. What do you see is the best version of you? How can you figure it out? Find something you already know about yourself and build from there.