Capricorn

The passage of time seems bleak. Where did all the years ago? What do I have now? I didn't hold my boundaries I wanted all the wrong things. Now I'm crying and I can't think straight. Right now all I can depend on is divine timing. I have been stalking trying to see if my manifestations have hit your life and caused trouble. I am even calling over and over trying to make someone spazz. I thought I had more time to put my plans into place. I feel so empty. I wanted to show someone who didnt want me; my all and it was rebuffed. I risked a lot for that want. I refused to accept that what I wanted was wrong for my chosen love. I thought my love would heal any rough parts in them yet, I neglected the rough parts in me. I refused to acknowledge the boundaries I saw before me becuase I deserve to have one thing I want. I tried to be the perfect partner. I tried to be who they wanted even if I got lost in the personnas. Now I am sitting back and trying to see what is me and what is them. I have to figure out where I lost myself. I have been trying to be stronger then I really feel and now I am scared. Everyone is starting to see thr cracks in my facade. My stories don't line up and my alibis are flimsy. I even sought love elsewhere to feed my ego I lied and schemed to get my happily ever after. I had deals within deals happening anything to make me feel somethinng. I was tired of being numb, having to hold my emotions within. t first I thought bullying would help, but I was denied axcess immediately. No veneer is holding up to inspection. If Ic ould make it up I would. I just dont see how I could redeem myself. I just wnted the fullness of my connection. but since I didnt recieve it revenge and justice is on my mind. I wore this mask but it was to protect me. I didnt want to hurt anymore. I had no idea it was going to get worse. I feel exposed.I feel no comfort right now. I hate feeling abandoned. So I am going to tell the trut. I will apologize to those I hurt. I will meet them where they are. Imn will start taking better care of myself. I am getting older its time. I don't have to be who I was. I can be a role model.I will learn to stand my ground and show how much I mean what I say. I promise I will make amends to those I betrayed. I was a menace and I never apologized for my bad behavior. My indiscretions have caught up with me. I wasn't genuine with my behavior and its reflected in my connections. I wont be fake anymore.

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