Virgo Moon

I just don't want to be a memory. I want to be remembered far into the future long after I am gone. I just don't have anything to be remebered for. I see everyone including family as my competion and as long as I am needed and listened to I will feel superior. I see others getting ahead and I get frustrated becuase I shouls be further in life. I had lessons to learn and met people meant to push me to the next level and I pushed them away instead. I shamed them religiously, with work ethic, with materalism anything to be seen as on a pedastal. I know I should be seen as above reproach but I am not. I have addictions and habits that would tarnish the facade I have built. I saw people with holes in their lives and sought to plug those holes until I was desired no needed by people. I didn't get power isn't wha matters in the end its love and I pushed love away for adoration and envy. I didn't have the courage to be truly seen. I had to handle the narrative. Now I seek healing and I can't figure out where to start. I guess it starts with looking within but I am to busy for that. I would love to know what that feels like honestly but the vulnerablity needed is asking to much of me. I just wanted to be seen.

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