After all I sarificed!!!!

I spent so much money! I did some weird and nasty shit! I just wanteed to beat you. I joined a group that promised me so much if I gave them you and I couldn't. I thought I was going to beat you with these new gifts I discovered. I thought you wasn't as informed and wise as I thought you was " pretending to be". I held you to standards I could never meet and I even encouraged others to ostrasize you or I refused to shield you. I see you are stronger, wiser and more powerful then I could even believe. All I have done has continually backfired on me. I wanted to be so needed by you that everyone could see I was the strong one but yor need never exeded my need to be seen. I couldn't ever be happy for you. I see the rain and think about you feeling cleansed by it, refreshed by it and yet your the sun the sunrise the promise of safety after the storm. I wanted to take your forever love. I wanted to be loved just as deeply as you are. I wanted someone to make an effort for me just like all your lovers do. I also wanted to keep the love you extended towards me. I acyually am craving the love you gave me since you have with drawn from me. All my abundance is gone and I realize good things only happen to me when I connect to you and crave bettter then you. I think you gave me your blessings and when we disconnect you take them back. You are to smart to extend your blessings to those who are just using you. I even tried to get you caught up with the cops but nothing went through. You was to blessed and highly favored to get trapped int the web of lies I made. I am caught up now the cops are looking at me. They see me and they look at you and they realize looks can be decieving. I wish I could come to you and get the help you offered wen I wouldn't accept it. I know that I lost all axcess to you. You are more powerful, desired, and knowledegable thn I could even imagine and I had no right to attack you. There is noone who has the gravitas to step into your shoes although they try. You just vibe and flow and rarely can most people catch you. You are over abundant and here I am being a leech just sucking all the good out of you I can use to pass on as my own energy or even as my personality. I hurt so much. How did you figure out how to heal, to grow to shine??? How are you so gifted, so talented, so loveable. How do you get people who hate relationships to want one with you??? How do you enocourage others to dig within and heal? I want to be bold and ask if we can reunite, but I know that is pushing all kinds of boundaries. I know that if given the chance I can be a tool to growing in your life even if I have presented myself as a plague in your life. I see you are a light and I don't want to be the one who diminishes it. .

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