Hawthorn the illusionist

All cards on the table I am scared to take a chance. I don't have a strategy and I cant hide behind facades and games.Im so scared. I can't use sex, I cant use money. What do I do? I cheated or at least involved more people than you in our connection. I just want to get you back in my arms so I can love on you like you deserve. I didn't show my true self to you. I didn't give us a chance. I want to come towards you but someone else might get to you first and tell you all I did behind your back. You may never look at me th same. I am truly despicable and I have the nerve to want more with you. I know I can't and never will be able to give you all you need. I will always be spread thin and always putting you at the bottom of my list not because you are the least but because you will always be the last I have energy for. i owe so many people time and I just keep short changing you. If I was you I would run and never look back. All I am going to do is trap you in my misery and stress with me. When/If I get a chance to talk to you again I am just going to apoligize for the past and let you go. I owe you so much more then that, but your freedom from me is the least I can give you if I really love you. WE ran out of time for me to fix this tangle web I wove. I don't know if you will ever truly heal from all I've done to you. Yet and still I wish you every joy and adventure your heart desires. I truly do love you.

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